A Banana Fish Christmas Carol
by EmeraldEyes23
Summary: Ash is visited by three ghosts he knows well who show him his past present and future, so he can finally be happpy with Eiji and enjoy their first Christmas in Japan together. This story is inspired by Charles Dicken’s a Christmas Carol. You don’t have to know that story to understand mine. It’s a fluffy and romantic story with a happy ending. Merry Christmas to everyone!
1. You will Be Haunted By Three Spirits

Ash suddenly found himself standing on the porch of their old house in Cape Cod again. The all too familiar house that he had shared with his brother Griffin.

_What the hell am I doing here again? How did I even end up in Cape Cod?_

But this time Cape Cod felt different. It wasn't a nightmare or a bad memory for once. It somehow just felt nostalgic. The strong wind, the smell of the sea, the wild nature surrounding their house, the view of the sea… He didn't even need to close his eyes to see himself and Griff enjoying themselves in the wild garden while Griff was reading a book to his 5-year old self. The childhood memories with Griff were always happy ones that made him feel relaxed and warm inside. Just like now…

Especially because he wasn't alone. He had noticed it right away … there was someone else standing on the other side of the porch. That person was leaning against a wall, reading a book he was holding, a frown of deep concentration on his face while his blue eyes were scanning the pages. He looked as if he had always been there… Waiting for him to finally come back to him… Back home.

As if his brother had never left Cape Cod and would still live here with his little brother. As if time had stood still all these years. He even wore some clothes Ash remembered from his childhood… A single tear escaped from his eyes and was running down his cheek.

His brother's eyes weren't empty anymore as they had been after being drugged. Instead they were clear, alive and warm while he smiled softly at him. When seeing him, Ash suddenly realized with a start how much he had missed his brother, this genuine smile and those bright eyes that looked exactly as he remembered them from his childhood.

"Griff…, Ash choked out, unable t stop the tears from running down his face. He just stood there, suddenly frozen up, eyes widening in disbelief at what, or rather who, he was seeing…

Griffin just smiled, closed his book and slowly went over to him, hugging him tightly.

"Aslan, it's so good to finally see you again. You've grown so much. I've really missed you."

"I – I missed you, too.", Ash sobbed into his shoulder, gripping his back a bit too tightly, practically clinging to him. As if he was afraid he'd disappear as soon as he let go. Still, after a moment, his curiosity won out and he slowly pulled out of the hug, looking at him suspiciously.

"You're dead.", Ash reminded him bluntly, a confused look crossing his pale face. "If I can see you, does that mean I'm dead, too?", he asked, horrified at the thought for the first time. He still didn't care about his own death and still wasn't afraid to die. But after living in Japan with Eiji for a while, he had realized that Eiji would be devastated when learning about his death… Like last time when he chose to bleed out in that library…

What had he done this time? He thought he'd be safe in Japan…? Had he made Eiji suffer again…? He was the worst! Ash didn't even notice his surroundings anymore because he was slowly wondering what could have brought about his death in a safe country like Japan…

Griffin gripped his shoulder when he saw he was trembling slightly.

"Ash, you're not dead, ok?", Griffin assured him. "Would you believe me if I told you I'm a ghost?", Griffin asked, smiling at him.

"No, of course not. Ghosts don't exist. And even if you were a ghost you'd be transparent and I'd fall through you when hugging you. That's how it works in books at least."

"So you're still a book worm, I see.", Griffin said, grinning. "Good to know. But not everything you've read is true, Aslan. You're smart enough to know that. Especially because those stories were written by people who have never experienced death. So how could they know what ghosts look like?"

"You have a point there.", Ash admitted reluctantly.

"So, if I tell you I'm a ghost, will you believe me?", Griffin asked while looking warmly at him. "Or do you think I'd lie to you?"

"No, you'd never lie to me.", Ash exclaimed irritated, his green eyes flaring up brightly. "You never have.", Ash admitted honestly after calming down.

"So I guess if it's you, I have no other choice but to believe your words.", he added, avoiding his gaze. "And to believe that ghosts really exist, even if that's highly unlikely…", he added stubbornly. Griffin just looked relieved.

Thanks, Aslan. That simplifies things. As a ghost I can get visible at will if I want you to see me. And I can make myself invisible if I don't want you to see me. But only if I enter your dreams. Outside of your dreams I can see you, but you can't see me.", Griffin tried to explain it to him patiently.

In your dreams I can change the scenery at will, too. I just thought it would be fitting to meet at our old home." Ash nodded, but couldn't hide the doubt still reflected on his face.

Then a sudden realization dawned on him and his eyes widened in bewilderment.

"You mean, you've been watching over me all this time?", Ash asked in horror, all color draining from his face at once.

"Yeah, I always have since I've been killed. But unfortunately as a ghost there wasn't anything I could do to help you. In dreams I can touch people and objects, but otherwise I can't touch anything." True sorrow was reflected in Griffin's eyes while a silent tear ran down his face.

"I'm so sorry, Aslan. If I had known what would happen to you in the future, I would have never left you all alone at the time. I hope you can forgive me one day for leaving you. That's the the biggest mistake I have ever made and I will regret my decision for all of eternity.", he admitted honestly while looking straight into his green eyes, a guilt-ridden expression on his face.

"I still hate myself for leaving you, but I can never undo that. Unfortunately I can't turn back time.", he told him, pure sadness drowning his eyes.

"I've forgiven you a long time ago.", Ash simply assured him. "You couldn't have known what would happen, Griff. No one could have foreseen all of that.", Ash smiled sadly at him, wiping his tears gently away. Griff smiled gratefully at him, pure relief running over his face.

"But you're not dead, Aslan. You still have the opportunity to change your life. That's why I'm here. To tell you that you can still be happy. You can still turn things around. Please don't waste your second chance in life.", he told him seriously while gripping his shoulders.

"Why?", Ash sobbed, tears pricking at the edges of his eyes again. "If you've seen everything since dying, you must have seen what a monster I've become. Killing and torturing people. Without mercy. In cold blood. And to top it all of I was a male prostitute, a toy for the rich and powerful. I guess that's not the life you've imagined me to have. I'm so sorry I've disappointed you, Griff.", Ash apologized, a miserable look on his face before turning away from him.

Griffin gripped his arm and kindly forced him to turn around, gently wiping his tears away.

"Aslan, you're my little brother and I will always love you no matter what you have done or will do. Nothing will ever change that.", he said, hugging him. After a moment he pulled out of the hug and looked at him intensely.

"It's true that this life isn't the one I wanted you to have. But I'm still proud of you. You've become a smart, kind and handsome young man. You're brave, strong-willed and have always protected all the people close to you. And you have never given up fighting against your abusers. You had no choice, but to fight back. So I'm proud that you're my little brother.", he said, putting an arm around his shoulder. But I don't like seeing the pain and darkness still overshadowing your eyes. he said, a frown appearing on his forehead.

"You sound like Eiji.", Ash said, smiling for the first time. "That's exactly what he said when I told him I didn't deserve him. That I had no choice."

"Then maybe you should start believing him."

"So, why did you come? And why now of all times?", Ash asked doubtfully.

"I can only come to you in your dreams, Aslan. But only if you're sleeping soundly without any interruptions. That's why I couldn't come to you sooner. Your sleep had always been interrupted and you've never slept soundly through the night. Your sleep was only superficial, you were always awake with one eye, merely taking a nap or dozing off.", Griffin tried to explain.

"So I couldn't connect with you in your dreams. Believe me, I've tried for so long."

Another tear ran down Griffin's face, but then his eyes brightened again.

"But since coming to Japan with Eiji you've started to sleep more soundly without any interruptions during the night. So I thought I'd try again. I'm so glad it has worked this time. Maybe it's a Christmas miracle. Because it's nearly Christmas and that's a time where you're supposed to be happy, I have something important to tell you."

"What do you mean, Griff?"

"Aslan, why are you still so sad? Why can't you accept the new life you've been given? You have found someone who stays by your side. You obviously have no idea how lucky you are to have found such a wonderful person like Eiji who would do anything for you. Who just accepts you the way you are. And what do you do? You throw all of that away just because you've done some things in the past you still regret.", Griffin told him seriously. "That's stupid, you know that?"

Ash just stared at him, at a loss for words. After an instant he looked down on the floor. "Some things I'll regret, huh? That's a big understatement. I've done innumerable things that I can never forgive myself for. Ever. I've committed so many evil things that can never be undone. I don't deserve to be with someone as kind as Eiji."

"That's where you're wrong. You have never had a choice, Aslan. But you've always looked out for many people and protected them. That's why I'm here. To make you remember how many people you have helped, protected and saved. Because your good actions have obviously been fading from your memory. The evil things you have done have completely overwritten your good actions. So let me refresh your memory. I'll show you some memories of your past. Take a stroll down memory lane with me…"


	2. The Ghost Of The Past

"Like in "Charles Dickens's _A Christmas Carol"_?, Ash looked doubtfully at him. He thought that story sounded familiar somehow. And let me guess, you're the ghost of the past.", Ash said, smirking at him. "Really?"

"In a way, yes.", Griffin smiled. "But instead I'm showing you the good things you've done. Suddenly the scenery changed and they were standing in a dark alley surrounded by an old factory or mor like ruins thereof.

"That's the abandoned building where Eiji and Skip were taken to. Why are we here?", Ash asked stubbornly, crossing his arms.

"Just watch. Then you'll see.", Griffin smiled knowingly at him. Ash glared at him, feeling like a scolded child.

After a moment he saw a younger version of himself throwing away his gun after Arthur told one of his men to shoot Eiji.

"Why did you protect Eiji? You barely knew him.", Griffin asked curiously.

"I honestly don't know. Probably because Eiji was the only one who had never been afraid of me. Right from the start. That was the first thing that had impressed me about him at the time. His innocence and his unconcealed curiosity were just so refreshing. All of his emotions were so openly displayed on his face.", Ash smiled at the memory of their first encounter. "Eiji honestly had no idea why it could be a bad idea to ask a ruthless gang leader to see his gun." Ash grinned when thinking back to that ridiculous scene.

"That and he looked like a grade schooler.", Ash said, smirking at Griffin. "And he got dragged into this mess because of me. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. So protecting him was my responsibility.", he admitted sadly.

"See? You've always protected people. People who needed help or were weaker than you. You've always looked out for people close to you. You did the same for Skip as well." Ash nodded slightly, but Griffin could see in Ash's darkening eyes that he wasn't convinced.

"Let's go somewhere else.", Griffin simply said, changing the scenery to Ash's old apartment.

Ash's younger self was kneeling in front of Griffin who had a vacant look in his eyes and was sitting in a wheel chair next to the window, a blanket over his knees.

"Why did you take me home, Aslan?", Griffin asked sadly.

"How can you even ask that? You're my brother. I would have starved to death as a child without you. I owe you my life!", Ash exclaimed angrily, his eyes flashing dangerously while glaring at him.

"But you had a really hard time hiding me, getting me medication and treatment. And you probably had to spend a lot of money on me. That couldn't have been easy.", Griffin argued quietly.

"I'm really grateful that you did that, Aslan.", Griffin thanked him, patting his head affectionately like he used to do when he was still small. A barely visible smile escaped Ash's lips.

"You know, I don't remember much from the time after I was wounded and drugged, but I could still feel your presence, your warmth and I could still hear your voice. It sounded as if it came from really far away, like an echo, but I could still hear it. So thank you for taking me home.", he said, hugging him tightly while tears streamed down his face.

"Words could never describe how much that had meant to me. That you spend a lot of time and effort looking for me, finding me and taking care of me. Most people would have abandoned someone like me. I was just a burden. But you took good care of me. And you've never stopped talking to me or have given up on me although I've never responded or showed any signs that I've even understood what you were saying. That act alone shows that you are an amazing, kind and compassionate person. A bad person would have never gone through all that trouble. He would have abandoned me in that dark place."

"I could never have done that! I – loved you…", Ash admitted, looking down at the floor. "You were the only person who has ever really cared about me. The only person who has loved me… You have always been by my side and taken care of me when I was young, never thinking about yourself. So how could I leave you when you needed me? When I could finally do something for you in return?", Ash looked up at his brother, a soft smile on his face.

"Thank you for always taking care of me, Griff. You have no idea how much that has meant to me."

"See, and that's why you're an amazingly good and kind-hearted person. Many people see that, only you yourself don't. Our actions define who we are. And you have always protected many people around you, even if you knew you'd suffer the consequences, never thinking about yourself."

Ash nodded slowly, thinking about his brother's words carefully for a moment.

Griffin gripped both of his shoulders, looking at him intently, his eyes burning with a determination Ash hadn't seen before. He actually flinched a little when meeting his eyes.

"The only one who stands in your way to happiness is yourself. You have to forgive yourself, Aslan. It's true that you did some bad things in the past, but you didn't have any other choice. You probably don't like hearing that, but you were still a child when all this happened. So you're not responsible. You were just defending yourself. It was the only way for you to survive.", Griffin assured him, looking at him, pure compassion drowning his eyes.

"The law should have protected you. Your parents should have protected you. I should have protected you. You should have never had to fight for yourself at that young age. So everything you did wasn't your fault. You're not to blame.", he said, ruffling his hair gently.

Ash looked at his brother. "His words slowly got through to him. Although he hated that he basically said he had been a child at the time. But according to American law he had been a child when most of the things had happened. So maybe Griff was right and he really wasn't to blame…? He had never seen it that way…

Ash looked down on the floor. He desperately wanted to believe that. To believe that all these past events had never been his fault. Maybe he should at least try harder to forgive himself. For Eiji. And for a new life he had always dreamed about…

Griffin watched him intently, then hugged him one last time. "Please listen to me, ok?

Ash just nodded, then smiled sadly. "I'm trying my best.", he promised him.

"I have to go now, Aslan. My time here is limited."

"What? No, don't –", Ash exclaimed, his voice cracking, suddenly frightened. What if he'd never see his brother again…?

"But what if there was someone else who wants to see you?", Griffin interrupted him softly. "You remember the story, right?

"Three ghosts will haunt you.", Ash answered instantly, quoting the story back to him. Griffin nodded and smiled. "You still remember."

"But who – ?"

"That's a surprise. But you'll be glad to see them again.", he promised him.

"Will I see you again?"

"Only if you sleep soundly. And you really shouldn't stay up so late reading, you know?", he chastised him before his presence was fading away.

Ash smiled at that, knowing perfectly well that Griffin was the reason he loved books. He had always read books to him when he was small and had constantly written letters to him while overseas.

The ghost of the present, huh? He wondered if he had guessed right who'd show up next…


	3. The Ghost Of The Present

Suddenly the scenery changed again and he wasn't standing in his apartment anymore, but in Chang Dai.

Ash smiled despite himself. He had guessed right who the ghost of the present would be…

"Hey, Ash.", Shorter said nonchalantly, leaning on the counter, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his torn jeans.

"Shorter.", Ash smirked. "The Chang Dai, huh? I feel like coming home."

"That was my intention. I wanted to remind you that you have a new home now."

"I know that – ", Ash began, but was interrupted by Shorter.

"Do you? Do you really know that? Then why are your eyes not shining with happiness? Why is there still so much darkness and pain in your eyes? You have everything you've dreamed of: you have a real home, live in a safe and peaceful country and have a person who loves you unconditionally and would do anything for you.", Shorter asked him disappointedly.

"I – That's not… Wait, Eiji loves me?", Ash exclaimed, pure surprise running over his face.

Shorter slapped a hand on his face in frustration. "Things are even worse than I've thought… Ash Lynx, I've always known that you're an idiot, but I've never thought you'd be this clueless. That letter Eiji wrote you, you know that was a love letter, right?", he exclaimed, pure disbelief on his face."

Ash thought about it for a moment. "No, it wasn't. He wrote we were friends."

"And he wrote _"My soul is always with you."_

"So?", Ash asked in confusion, a frown appearing on his forehead.

Shorter went to Ash and put an arm around his shoulders. "Ash, that means he loves you, you dumb idiot. He tells you that he's always with you even if you are apart. That he's always thinking about you. That you're not alone and he would do anything for you. Ash, that boy even picked up a gun for you and risked his life to save you. Have you really forgotten that?"

"No, I haven't. But – "

"Ash, only because he doesn't use the word _love _directly doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Learn to read between the lines, goddammit. You've read so many intellectual books, wrote brilliant essays and even came up with a chemical analysis of the Banana Fish drug. So why can't you analyze a damn love letter?", Shorter asked him in amazement.

"Because my smart mind stops working when it comes to Eiji.", Ash admitted reluctantly, looking away from him. Shorter just grinned at him mischievously. "That's because you love him, too."

"I know that!", Ash glared at him his green eyes flashing dangerously. "What I don't fucking get is why Eiji would love someone like me!", he explained irritated.

"Ash, I know that you've gone through a lot. You still think that you don't deserve to be happy or to be loved. And that everyone will leave you eventually. But Eiji is still by your side. And he won't leave.", he clarified for Ash. Ash nodded sadly, but Shorter could see it in his pained green eyes that he didn't believe him. Not entirely at least." He sighed dramatically. "I guess you won't believe me unless I show you." The scene changed to their apartment in Japan, specifically to Eiji's room.

Shorter motioned to all the pictures in Eiji's room. "Ash, look around. Look at the photos and pictures he's decorated his room with. What do they all have in common?", Shorter asked while giving Ash time to look around.

Shorter knew that Ash was smart and he was in Eiji's room every day. But Shorter also knew that Ash was a complete idiot when it came to Eiji. He needed a little push to realize some things. His best friend confirmed this by asking him a question, resignation clearly visible on his face.

"What do you mean?", Ash asked, pure confusion running over his pale face.

"Look at the persons in all of these photos. Don't you realize that you are in all these photos?", Shorter asked him.

"That's a coincidence.", Ash told him seriously with a blank look on his face.

Shorter rolled his eyes. "Ash, Eiji is a photographer. He would carefully choose the photos that he loves, that mean the most to him. Moments that are precious to him. And you're in every single one of them.

Ash watched the room another time, deep in thought. Could Shorter really have a point?

Shorter sighed in resignation and pointed to a photo book that was lying on Eiji's desk.

"I didn't want to show you that because it's a Christmas present for you. But you're such a lost cause I don't have a choice... So, just look at the first page and read the dedication that he wrote at the beginning:

_Merry Christmas, Ash! This photo book contains all of our precious memories in New York together. I'm so happy I can celebrate my first Christmas back in Japan together with you. I hope we will create many other great memories together in the future. Thanks for always staying by my side. _

_You're the best thing ever happening to me and I'm so lucky to have met you._

_I love you! Eiji, 12/24/2019_

Ash stared at Eiji's dedication for several minutes, before the truth of Eiji's words sank in and tears were streaming down his face.

"He really loves me? But why?", Ash asked stupidly after wiping his tears away and calming down.

"Ash, probably because of the same reasons I've hung out with you. You're just a great guy. Your smart, a good friend and a kind person who always looks out for the ones he loves."

Ash's face flushed in embarrassment and he looked away, unsure how to respond to that. Meanwhile Shorter had changed the scenery back to the Chang Dai again. They were sitting at the counter again where they used to eat Chinese food all the time that Nadia would make for them.

"You really mean that.". Ash smiled sadly while looking at him again. "But I haven't looked out for you, Shorter. I've failed to protect you. And shot you in the end.", he reminded him, a guilt stricken look overwhelming his features. Then tears began steaming down his face again.

Shorter just hugged him tightly, not saying anything. After a moment, he pulled out of the hug and looked intensely at him.

"Ash, you didn't kill me. You freed me. Saved me. And I'm eternally grateful to you.", Shorter told him, pure honesty reflected on his face.

"The only thing I'm sorry for is that you had to shoot me yourself. Because that bullet has hurt you much more than me. I can still see the pain darkening your eyes when you look at me."

Ash avoided his gaze, but a minute later he turned his face towards him again, smiling at him warmly. His green eyes brightened suddenly when pure relief washed over him.

Only when Shorter had told him those words, did he realize how painful that memory still was. He had barely mentioned Shorter at all after his death because he couldn't forgive himself for shooting his best friend. Hearing those words from Shorter mended a deep crack in his still injured heart. Ash could practically feel how his heart started to heal when hearing those words. He had never realized until now how much he needed to hear them.

"I'm still sorry I've betrayed you, Ash.", Shorter admitted sadly after a while of awkward silence.

"You didn't betray me. You looked out for your sister. I've always known that.", Ash assured him honestly, his green eyes boring straight into Shorter's brown ones.

"Thanks, Ash. I knew you'd understand why I did that.", Shorter said, relief flooding his face.

Then Shorter gripped Ash's shoulders, a resolute expression on his face while he stared at him.

"Ash, please do yourself a favor and let Eiji know you love him. Give him a present, something cheesy and romantic that shows him that you love him, too. And kiss him, you dumb idiot. And enjoy your life with Eiji and be happy. Get a job you like and let Eiji show you that life is beautiful."

"Ok, I promise. Thanks for showing me all that, Shorter. Even though I feel completely stupid now.", Ash admitted reluctantly.

"Yeah, you're the smartest idiot I know. And a real pain in the ass sometimes. But unfortunately you're also my best friend. Live for me as well. And do all the crazy things I can't do anymore.", Shorter grinned at him wickedly.

"No way, the stunts you've always pulled were beyond crazy. And damn stupid most of the time.", Ash exclaimed while glaring at him.

"But I guess I can do something crazy once in a while… for old times' sake.", Ash grinned at him. "Eiji needs to do something crazy as well. He's way too nice and well-behaved… I guess I have to drag him down with me. His horrified expression would be totally worth it...", he smirked at Shorter.

Shorter grinned. "I'll have to go now. My time here is limited. And there's someone else you need to meet. But I'll see you soon in your dreams, Ash.", Shorter promised before his presence slowly faded away.


	4. The Ghost Of The Future

When Skip came to him the surroundings changed to their apartment. It wasn't the same that they had now, it was a bit bigger and looked more expensive. They had a big living room, Eiji had a study for his photo projects while Ash had turned his own room into a little library. There were towers of books on his desk at every side with a computer and some papers in the middle.

So, I'm still a book worm, huh?", Ash smirked at Skip. "Good to know."

"It's even better. Your profession is also about books. And a Eiji becomes a well-known photographer. But I want to show you a different scene.

The scene changed to an office that looked like an official government office. Like the ones where you order a new passport or other official documents.

"What am I doing here?", Ash wondered, more talking to himself, a frown appearing on his face.

The door swung open and Ash and Eiji came out of the room, followed by Eiji's mother, Ibe, Max and Jessica.

_Why's the old man here as well?, _Ash wondered silently.

"Suddenly, Eiji put his arms around Ash, hugging him tightly. Wait, was there a ring on his finger? And on his, too? No, that couldn't be real – "

"We're officially married, Ash!", Eiji exclaimed happily while still holding him close.

"Yes, we are.", Ash said, smiling softly. "I still can't believe it. Seems like a dream…", he admitted quietly.

"I've promised you forever.", Eiji simply said, pure affection reflected in his warm eyes while he looked at him.

"Can you kiss already?", asked Max impatiently. "So I can finally invite you to some fancy restaurant to celebrate?"

"Not in front of –", Eiji said shyly, a blush spreading across his face. But Ash had already pulled him close, kissing him passionately. Eiji blushed even more, but instantly kissed him back, closing his eyes while pulling him closer.

Ash just stared at the scene, pure disbelief on his face while staring at his and Eiji's older versions.

"He'll really marry me? Are you fucking serious?", he exclaimed, his eyes widening while pure surprise overwhelmed his face.

"Yeah, he will. You'll also have a beautiful wedding ceremony. But I can't show you that. If I show you too much the future will change again." Ash just nodded quietly.

"But isn't it enough that you know that Eiji will stay by your side?", Skip asked, winking at him.

"Yeah, you're right. That's enough. That's more than I could have ever hoped for. Thanks for showing me that, Skip.", Ash said, smiling happily.

After a moment of silence, he bent down, so that he was at Skip's eye level, his green eyes darkening again while he looked at him.

"I'm just sorry that you don't have a future, Skip. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you…", he said while a wave of guilt washed over him.

"I'm not.", Skip said honestly. "I mean I didn't want to die. But I've never regretted my decision to save you. I would do that again.", he clarified warmly. "I've always looked up to you, Ash. You were my hero always protecting me. Looking out for me. You and your gang were my family. So I'm happy that I could return the favor and help you for once.", Skip explained happily.

Then he gripped his shoulder and frowned at him, a disappointed look on his face while staring at Ash.

"But I didn't save you, so you can hate yourself and convince yourself that you don't deserve Eiji.", he complained to him, his fierce look boring into Ash's. "I saved you, so you can move on and accept that you have a future.", he clarified, his gaze softening. "Eiji is an amazing person who truly loves you with all his heart. So please accept his love, tell him you love him as well and accept that you have a bright future ahead of you. Together. A future you deserve. A future you and Eiji have fought really hard for. Don't waste it. Just look at Eiji's face. If you don't see how much he loves you, you must be fucking blind."

Ash looked at the scene again. When he looked more closely, he had to admit that Skip was right. Eiji's eyes, his body language, his gestures, everything announced openly that he loved him. Why hadn't he noticed all of that before? He was a complete idiot...

"Sometimes I wonder how Eiji can love some clueless idiot like me.", he admitted, slapping his forehead.

"You're ok. Your cluelessness is kind of adorable.", Skip smiled at him. Ash glared at him, but then his gaze softened. "Thank you for showing me that, Skip.", he replied, hugging him gently. "You've always been family to me as well."

"I can't stay any longer, Ash.", Skip said, smiling. "But I'll be seeing you soon.

Tell Eiji I miss him.", he asked him before his silhouette was slowly fading away.


	5. Merry Christmas

The next morning Ash rose early for once, careful not to wake up Eiji while dressing silently and leaving the house. He left Eiji a note, just in case he woke up. Then he bought some cake from their favorite café around the corner and went to the store Eiji had been staring at each time they were walking by. Eiji didn't have enough money to afford the object on display. Fortunately, Ash did. He had saved up some money because he had taken over a lot of shifts before Christmas in the café he was working at. He only cared for the overjoyed look Eiji would give him… It was Christmas after all…

After that he went to a last shop. Some weeks ago he had seen something in a window. It was a bit cheesy, but Eiji would love it. At least he hoped so…

He closed the door as silently as he could. Then he sneaked into the living room and prepared the cake and made some coffee.

The living room looked a bit smaller now because Eiji had to stuff a huge Christmas tree in it and had decorated the whole room with Christmas decorations and motives, candles and artificial snow as well as electric lights. Ash told him that was dumb and a waste of money. But Eiji had just stubbornly glared at him, insisting that he loved Christmas because it was a celebration of happiness and love and that he was truly happy to be able to spend this Christmas together with him.

That had made Ash shut up instantly, reminding him how close he had been to death and how much he had hurt Eiji with that dumb decision of bleeding out. He felt like an ungrateful bastard when the only thing Eiji wanted was giving their living room a warm and happy atmosphere by turning it into a winter wonderland. So, instead of complaining further, he reluctantly helped Eiji decorating the room as well as the Christmas tree, realizing that it was kind of relaxing and fun. Especially when Eiji pouted because he couldn't reach the crown of their Christmas tree to place a tree-topper shaped like a star on it, but Ash could reach it easily. He couldn't help but burst out laughing when Eiji puffed out his cheeks while glaring at him. It was adorable.

"Ash?", Eiji said, yawning and rubbing his eyes while entering the living room, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Wow, you're already dressed and awake? That must have been a first.", Eiji smirked at him.

"Is that from our favorite café?", he asked, his eyes lighting up instantly while pure joy overwhelmed his features. "Thank you! But cake for breakfast?" A small frown appeared on his forehead.

"It's Christmas.", Ash simply said. "Let's make an exception today, ok?", he said, winking at him.

Then he got up, feeling slightly nervous. Eiji saw that at once.

"What's wrong, Ash?"

"It's nothing. I just wanted to tell you something. I've been wanting to tell you that for a long time, but I was too afraid. I'm so sorry, Eiji.", he said, looking sadly at him.

"It's fine, Ash. Just tell me.", he replied while his warm eyes looked up at him encouragingly.

Ash just hugged Eiji tightly. "Thanks for staying by my side. I love you, Eiji. You have no idea how much I love you. I'm so sorry for not telling you sooner.", he said quietly while a tear ran down his face. He could feel Eiji freezing up for a moment when hearing that. Then Eiji slowly pulled out of the hug while staring wide-eyed at Ash in pure surprise. After processing what Ash had just said, his face brightened and he beamed at him, his eyes turning golden brown while sparkling with pure happiness.

"I love you, too, Ash.", Eiji told him while looking at him overjoyed, that huge, innocent smile that Ash lived for lighting up his whole face. Ash relaxed instantly when Eiji returned those words to him without the slightest hesitation. Relief and joy flooded his features and he felt like the happiest man alive. Maybe he had to go through hell to find and deserve someone as wonderful as Eiji in the end?

Ash hesitated slightly while looking into Eiji's warm eyes. He knew this was the perfect moment he had been waiting for. He was just hesitating because he didn't want it to end like the kiss he forced on Eiji in prison. Everything about that kiss had been wrong. Eiji didn't see it that way, he had understood that Ash didn't have any other option at the time.

Ash knew he had to take the first step. Eiji knew what he had gone through and wouldn't want to pressure Ash in any way. He wanted everything to be Ash's own choice.

So this time he wanted to do it the right way. Eiji had noticed his hesitation. He didn't say anything, just waited expectantly, nodding at him encouragingly, smiling at him. As if Eiji knew exactly why he was hesitating. That was the last push Ash needed.

"Eiji, can I kiss you?", Ash asked timidly, hearing the uncertainty in his own voice, still slightly afraid of being rejected.

Eiji's eyes sparkled, brightening instantly while pure happiness overwhelmed his face again.

"Yes, of course. Always.", Eiji said softly without a moment's hesitation.

Ash moved a bit closer, gently grabbing his face. He saw how Eiji looked at him, eyes widening with a mixture of uncertainty and affection. A blush spread across his face when Ash moved closer and his lips were trembling slightly when leaning back a little. Eiji obviously had no idea what he was supposed to be doing which was kind of adorable. It made Ash love him even more. When he finally touched his lips, kissing him gently, they felt warm and soft. The moment he touched Eiji's lips, the world seemed to turn in slow motion, his surroundings slowly fading out into nothingness.

Ash had kissed countless people in his life and had never felt anything apart from pure disgust. For him, a kiss had never been anything special, just a demonstration of power. All of his life kisses had been forced on him, never bothering to ask for his consent. So, for him, a kiss was a means to control someone, dominate someone. Or a method to get information out of someone by faking emotions.

He had never understood why a first kiss was supposed to be something special for most people. Why a first kiss was supposed to be a special moment and a unique feeling. Why a first kiss was supposed to be a exceptional feeling that would stay with you forever was beyond him. Until this very moment.

When he started to kiss Eiji all of that changed in a split second. Maybe it was because this kiss was the first one he wanted to give voluntarily. Or maybe because he had imagined kissing Eiji like that for a very long time. Just because he wanted Eiji to know how much he loved him. He was at a loss for words when it came to emotions, let alone explaining them to someone he loved. So maybe he could show Eiji how much he loved him? By simply kissing him and pouring all of his emotions into this one kiss?

Everything about this kiss felt completely new to him. As if this really was his very first kiss. The sensation overwhelmed him, completely catching him by surprise. Every emotion, every touch, every scent was overpowering him, taking him absolutely off guard.

As soon as he had started to kiss Eiji, his mind had just flatlined while everything around him slowly faded away. Luckily his body just responded automatically, on his own accord. As if it had known all along what exactly it was supposed to do. Ash's hand moved from his face to Eiji's hair, pulling him closer while the rest of his body dissolved into Eiji's, ultimately becoming one with him. Ash could feel a new warmth spreading through his body while he could feel his heart nearly bursting with pure happiness.

Ash could feel Eiji responding to the kiss, copying his movements, touching his hair as well. But he didn't go further, letting Ash always stay in control. Ash could feel his inexperience because he was hesitating slightly at times. His touch was a bit clumsy and he was unsure what to do, counting on Ash to take the lead. Eiji closed his eyes slowly and Ash did the same, slowly deepening the kiss into a more passionate one. He could feel Eiji's heartbeat quickening and how his breathing changed.

Eiji's lips tasted sweet and innocent and his arm on his back made Ash relax, feeling instantly safe and protected. He had never thought that one single kiss could arouse so many emotions in him at the same time. Affection, love, passion and pure happiness. All those emotions rushed through him, sending electric sparks throughout his body while at the same time a warm feeling spread through him that he had never felt before. While kissing Eiji he really felt alive and fully awake for the first time. Eiji made him feel special, loved and truly happy. As if he was the center of his world. The only person that mattered to him.

He slowly softened the kiss again before slowly pulling out of their embrace until their entangled lips parted. When he let go of Eiji, he nearly tumbled over, but luckily Ash caught him at the last second.

Eiji's face was completely flushed and he was panting, unable to say anything for a moment.

"That felt amazing, Ash.", Eiji finally admitted while blushing even more. "We should do that more often.", he said, winking at him.

Ash burst out laughing before a faint blush crossed Ash's face as well. "I wholeheartedly agree.", he said, still smiling softly at him while his green eyes were sparkling with happiness. "It felt amazing to me as well."

"Here! This is for you. It's basically for both of us. Maybe it's a bit cheesy…"Ash admitted quietly. "But I thought you'd like it. It's kind of a romantic present."

Eiji opened it. "It was a small box containing two silver necklaces. Each had a little pendant with a letter. One had an "_E_", the other one an "_A_". On the side of each letter there was a small engraving. Just one word. _Forever. _Eiji smiled lovingly at Ash.

"Ash, that's really beautiful. Thank you!", he said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Ash smiled back, blushing faintly.

"I'm glad you like it. It reminded me of your letter. _"My soul is always with you." _

Eiji blushed instantly, but his eyes were sparkling with joy. "Will you put it around my neck?", he asked Ash. Ash nodded and put the one with an "A" around his neck before Eiji put the other one around his.

Eiji hesitated slightly before getting up and leaving the room. After a minute he came back.

"I have something for you as well. I hope you'll like it.", he said timidly. He gave it to Ash, looking nervous. "It's a bit cheesy and maybe old-fashioned, but…

"Is that a locket? That looks expensive.", Ash wondered aloud while looking at the design more closely. It was a silver locket with a flower in the middle and some ornaments around it.

"Open it."

Ash did so and his mouth dropped open in amazement. On the left side there was an engraving. It read _Even if the world turns on you, I'll always stay on your side._ On the right there was a photo of Eiji and himself that they had taken in a photo booth during some festival. Eiji grinned at the camera, his arm around Ash's shoulder while Ash looked at Eiji with a loving and soft expression on his face.

"That's beautiful.", exclaimed Ash, completely stunned. Eiji smiled, relief running over his face.

"Look at the back.", Eiji told him.

Ash closed it and turned it upside down. There was another engraving. It read _Forever. Love, Eiji._

A single tear ran down Ash's face. "That's … really cheesy. But I love it. But can I really accept that? It looks really expensive..."

"It's a family heirloom. But before you say that you can't accept it, let me remind you that I made the engraving especially for you. It's for my handsome, but pretty clueless boyfriend who always doubts anyone could ever love him. Who needs a written confirmation he can look at from time to time when he has dark thoughts like that."

"Boyfriend, huh?", Ash asked, a dreamy look lighting up his eyes . "That's the first time you've called me that. It has a nice ring to it if you say it.", he said while pulling the locket around his neck.

"Well, you've never told me that you love me before, either.", Eiji told him honestly, his eyes glowing in a golden brown, a color that they always got when Eiji was extremely happy.

"I guess… sorry that you have such a slow and clueless boyfriend then.", Ash said, smirking at him.

"It's ok. I've always known that from the start.", Eiji grinned back mischievously. "But my dumb boyfriend has sparks of brilliance now and then."

Are we finally eating the cake?", Eiji asked hopefully. Ash just grinned.

"Not before you've opened your Christmas presents." Ash laughed when he saw Eiji's disappointed expression.

"Don't worry, it won't take long. Here.", he said, handing him an envelope.

Eiji opened it. "Tickets for the photo exhibition I wanted to visit in Tokyo.", he exclaimed in surprise, his eyes widening. "But they've been sold out for months. How did you get them?"

"That's a secret. But it wasn't illegal. I just have good connections.", he grinned before handing him another present. It was a camera lens he had wanted to buy, but couldn't afford.

"Thanks, Ash.", he said, hugging him tightly. "You're the best!" Ash blushed faintly, grateful that Eiji couldn't see it because he was hugging him.

When Eiji had pulled out of the hug, he gave him his presents.

Ash unwrapped the photo book Shorter had shown him. Although he had already read Eiji's dedication, it still made him cry. Eiji wiped his tears away.

"Thank you, Eiji, that book is really great. And I'm really glad I've met you, too. But sometimes I still wonder how you put up with a dense idiot like me."

"Your obliviousness is actually quite adorable. You always get that surprised and completely innocent expression on your face when you're clueless. You look so much younger and really cute with that small frown appearing on your forehead, your raised eyebrows and your widening eyes. And it makes me look smarter for once. Since I'm just an ordinary human." Ash smiled softly at that.

"Open the other one." Ash did so. It was a book that looked quite old. Ash looked at the cover.

"_The Old Man and the Sea. "_Thank you, Eiji."

You haven't seen the best part yet. Open it."

Ash did so. Then his eyes widened in pure shock. "It that a first edition?", he exclaimed in pure disbelief, his mouth dropping open.

"Look more closely.", Eiji simply said, grinning mischievously, obviously enjoying himself immensely.

"It's signed? By Hemingway? Are you fucking serious?" Ash just stared at the book in amazement, at a loss for words before his eyes started sparkling brightly with joy.

"But – how… when… isn't that damn expensive?", he stammered, feeling like an idiot.

"It is. But I have connections as well. I'm not telling you more. But I didn't do anything illegal, either.", Eiji promised him. "But your face just now was priceless and worth every yen I've spent.", Eiji grinned, pure happiness lighting up his warm eyes. Then he put an arm around him before leaning on his shoulder.

メリークリスマス, Ash! 


End file.
